In the memory you'll find me. Eyes burning up.

One post before I sleep tonight.

I feel like there is a big big black hole that is slowly gently inhaling me into its dark and unexplored depths. This hole is inside of me. And its really just consuming everything that I possess- everything that makes me- me. Spamming Linkin Park really loudly right now, can't hear anything, and I'm glad. I don't want to hear anything.

Am I afraid? No. As a matter of fact, for some odd reason, I have been rid of fear and pretty much all my emotions as of late. I don't know. I feel like part of me is missing and I am, or whatever is left of me dangles by a mere string of.. What is it? Hope? I don't know.


Or maybe I'm just stressed.

Who knows?
Who cares?
Not me.

I feel.. Strangely powerless. I feel as if my life has run far far away from me, and I am no longer the master of my own fate. I can't save myself, I'm just riding the highway to god knows where.

You know when you say "I want to die", and no one believes you? It's like nobody cares. Or worse, they ignore you.They just pretend not to hear. I can see their faces. They heard me,loud and clear, they just didn't know how, or couldn't or maybe.. Wouldn't help.They didn't know whether they should,, Or maybe they didn't want to ask if I was feeling alright.. They just said I looked tired and sounded tired.

Congratulations for stating the obvious guys, I'm obviously in the pink of health despite the dark swelling under my eyes and the tired croak in my throat. Just dandy.

I don't blame you guys. I don't blame anyone for my plight- that isn't really miserable or all that unbearable. I am just the pessimistic side of my soul. I can't always be looking on the bright side. I can't always be waiting in a spacebound rocketship on the light side of the moon. I have to keep going, keep moving. I can't just be.

Do you understand me>Where I'm coming from? How I'm feeling? This disgusting pit of misery that threatens to shadow my life, my soul, my emotions, my personality?This awful brew of self-disgust, hate, low self-esteem and... Pride?

Pride. Ugh pride. Like a balloon stretched out thin about to be pricked with even the slightest application of pressure- Pride hurts. I hate my pride. No! I hate the feeling of constantly being bruised even with the most simplistic comments that aren;t meant to be offensive. How I hate this burden.

Time to go to bed Chinese and Science exams tomorrow. Simply lovely.